Marriage Counselors
Marriage counselors are much like psychiatrists for many people: a choice of last resort. It is admitting defeat, conceding that you are no longer able to handle the problems or issues that confront you as a couple. But when a marriage starts going sour, an objective third party can often bring much-needed perspective. A trained professional consulted in a timely manner can help keep your marriage and family intact.
At what point is marriage and family counseling in the cards for you? It’s never an easy decision to place your personal problems in the hands of a person you don’t know, even if the situation is spiraling out of control. Another consideration is the cost of consultation. These are the two main issues this article will tackle.
Marriage Counselors are Too Expensive
Professional counseling can be expensive, but you get what you pay for. Marriage counselors charge according to their knowledge and experience, the same as with other professionals. Consider the price of marriage and family counseling as an investment in future growth. The alternative is shouldering the cost of what a breakup of your marriage will entail. This includes the financial burdens of divorce court, alimony, child custody and other expenses, as well as the aftermath of emotional distress and pain. In the long run, your therapy bills may seem like a small price to pay.
If the cost of therapy is really an issue, there are programs that you may qualify for in which the fees of marriage counselors are subsidized by the city. In other cases, counseling is done by supervised graduate students, which makes it more affordable. You can also compromise in terms of how often you undergo therapy. If you go twice a month instead of every week, then you reduce your costs to half.
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I Don’t Want to Talk to a Stranger
There is nothing more private than problems between husband and wife. The ingrained aversion to airing your dirty laundry in public translates to a reluctance to open up in front of a stranger. But remember, the marriage counselor is a stranger and unlikely to take sides or cloud the issues with personal bias…which makes them the ideal person to talk to in a marital crisis.
Friends and family members don’t have the needed objectivity to be of any real help in many marital problem situations. The tendency is for their personal feelings to get in the way of a clear understanding of the situation. It is almost inevitable for them to take sides. Involving family and friends by confiding in them can even make the problem bigger.
Check that your marriage counselor is accredited by a professional association that holds its members to recognized standards for education and clinical experience. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) is the largest such organization in the US.
Marriage counselors are trained to keep problems from escalating. They are skilled in techniques which mirror the issue back to the combatants without prejudice. This gives you a clearer perspective of the problem and a better idea of how to arrive at a solution. And since the marriage counselor is a professional bound by ethical standards, you can confide in him about your marriage trouble without fear of the news getting out.
Financial cost and privacy issues are reasonable objections against marriage counselors. However, when the relationship is on the rocks and there seems no salvation in sight, engaging the services of a marriage counselor may well be your only alternative.
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