Marriage Trouble
There will always be marriage trouble, that’s part and parcel of the two-joined-to-one nature of the institution. However, that doesn’t make you feel any better when you find yourself tackling a marriage in crisis. That said, marriage trouble may not be easy to resolve but it can usually be done. One of the major sources of marriage issues is unrealistic expectations.
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Overcoming Marriage Trouble and Stopping Divorce
Marriage Trouble Can Come from Unrealistic Expectations
One of the main reasons behind marriage troubles is dewy-eyed expectations of both you and your spouse when you first start out. This is especially true when you get married young and life has not yet given you a healthy dose of reality. If you continue to hold unrealistic expectations of your spouse or your marriage despite ample evidence to the contrary, you will experience anger and irritation at your spouse for not living up to your ideals. This can easily lead to marriage trouble of epic proportions. But where did these impossibly high standards come from? Let’s take a look, shall we?
Cameras Rolling…
The picture-perfect marriage portrayed in the movies and television is just that: a picture. It’s static and one-dimensional and exists only in the mind of a romance writer. Real people hardly ever live up to the image of the idealized husband or wife, and real life is often a series of unspectacular, everyday happenings. Toothpaste tops are left off, kitchens are not always sparkling, lawns need continuous tending…and rose petals in the flower bed can lead to arguments.
The romantic Hollywood version of a marriage has no place outside the silver screen, and expecting it to happen can lead to marriage trouble. Romance exists, but it is the bittersweet version that can withstand the reality of work, bills and tired spouses.
Best Foot Forward…
When people are courting, they usually show the best aspects of their personality. It is only after marriage that you discover surprises about your spouse, and vice versa, and some can be less than pleasant. This is perfectly normal. What can lead to marriage trouble is being unable to accept that your spouse is not the perfect person you thought he or she was.
Unrealistic expectations occur most frequently among couples who have only known each other over a short period before marriage. It is not a case of deliberate subterfuge but a natural tendency to present your best image to other people. Marriage issues that result from this can be avoided if you take the time to get to know your potential spouse more before committing to marriage. If the horse has bolted from the barn, all you can do is learn to accept what you can’t change and to work with your spouse to help each other off the pedestal.
Once Upon a Time…
The happily-ever-after marriage myth that most people have grown up with and continue to believe in is a fairy tale. What most people don’t seem to realize is that fairy tales are stories meant for kids. Children don’t need to hear what happened after Sleeping Beauty was woken up with a kiss and became Mrs. Prince Charming. Undoubtedly at some stage, Mrs. Prince Charming waited hands on hips for Prince Charming to come home from a night out with the boys.
Marriages can be happy and fulfilling, but they are not always that way. Marriage troubles can rock the boat and upset the apple cart, but the trick is to know when to row and when to start picking up the apples. When couples disagree, they fight, but it’s not the end of the world if the cause of dissension is kept in perspective. Your relationship needs to be nurtured constantly to make a success of marriage…and it takes two people to make it work. There is no happily-ever-after in real life. Instead, there’s a happy-most-of-the-time, which is just as good.
When marriage issues arise, keep in mind that it happens to everybody at some point. Keep your expectations down to realistic levels. Remind yourself that you’re no Goody-Two Shoes and that you contribute half to your marriage trouble. Work with your spouse to prevent the myths and fantasies from taking over your marriage.
Click here for a complete course on
Overcoming Marriage Trouble
It is available at a fraction of the cost of marriage counseling and maybe just what you need.
